One Year

First I want to start by saying Happy Birthday to our sweet Alexander.  This day last year was by far the hardest day of my life.  Losing Alexander was a shock to us all and I'd be lying if I didn't admit that it has taken us the entire year and then some to begin to recover from it all.  We have been so blessed with family and friends that have persistantly shared their love and concern throughout the entire year. Thank you.  Even if we didn't show it fully every comment and hug was cherished in our hearts.
We have come so far and are so thankful to have a God that has wrapped his arms around us and led us through the darkness.  2009 never quite seemed to "get better" so ringing in the New Year in January meant so much more than a party and resolutions to us.  It was the start of a new beginning.  The start of moving forward, never forgetting, but living better for it.  Today we have declared a day of celebration in our house.  Our goal over the years is to find a charity or cause that we as  family can make an annual contribution to, (both time and monetaril)y, but this year we had a hard time choosing a cause that felt like the "the one".  So this year we went to breakfast with my mom and sisters, took some beautiful flowers to Alexander's gravesite, and spent the rest of the day enjoying being together until church.  Then Saturday with Morgan we are taking J.David to do something fun, sharing a nice dinner, and finishing the day off with a special dessert.  Sound like a birthday celebration?  That was the plan.  I have relived the night of March 3, 2009 so many times over the last year that we decided to not allow this day to become another day of saddness, but a day where we honor the miracle that was Alexander's life.  His precious short life with his strong beating heart that has changed who we are for all of eternity. 
I've always found comfort and healing in music lyrics.  Give me a circumstance and I'll give you a song to go with it.  With that said, in December I asked my sis-in-law for a copy of a mix CD without knowledge that this song was on there or what it was about (she didn't realize it either), but the biggest lesson Alexander has taught me is that God has perfect timing and a reason for everything.  I could go into the mountain of coincidences God planned events over the last year but instead I will leave you with the words from the song Held, by Natalie Grant.  Its the chorus that brings me to tears nearly everytime I hear it, and what I try to remember with every trial, not just this one.  We serve an awesome God and I find this to be even more evident during our times of struggle. 

Two months is too little.

They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.

Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred know our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.